Dear newly-postpartum me… | An open letter
Dear newly-postpartum Katie,
Wow! You never thought you’d be here… did you? What a surreal moment you’re in.
From “never having children”… to finding out you were pregnant at 26 weeks… to becoming the mother of one healthy, happy little lad. Life has sped up at a rate of knots.
I know you’re lost right now. You’re worried that you’ve lost your own sense of self - that you’ll never know your own strength and freedom again. But, I’m here to tell you - that’s not true. You will begin to find your feet in time, and glimmers of yourself will begin to appear again. Freedom exists - but in a different way now. Remember to seek out the things that make you smile in the hard times (even if it’s a short pony cuddle)!
You were worried that being a parent would bring out the worst in you. It’s true, that parenting requires mental fortitude like nothing you’ve experienced so far… but you have severely underestimated yourself, my dear. It is taxing, for sure, but you are growing into motherhood every day - at a pace not even you could have predicted! You are learning how to sustain life - both his and yours - at the same time. Your best days are truly ahead of you.
You will soon begin to love the fact that you cannot be an expert or perfectionist. A weight will be lifted off your shoulders - by knowing you are doing your best, but knowing you will never be able to achieve 100%. This doesn’t mean you’re not trying - but the burden of “doing it all” and “being it all” is no longer yours to bear. You will find that when you ask for help, people will appear!
Your body you will begin to appreciate now, more than you ever have. You were cut, had a major surgery, and are recovering as if by magic! It doesn’t matter if your skin is a little loose, your breasts aren’t perfectly shaped or you are feeling weak right now. You’ve grown a real, live person who is thriving. It doesn’t feel like it at the moment - but you will one day look back on what that ‘misshapen mess’ and treasure what it did for you and for your son. It will also help that the same (insanely strong) body will be sat on your horse… within quick succession of the birth!
Your relationships with people will continue to evolve. Things never stay the same for long! You will treasure family like never before, good friends will make themselves well known. You will meet people along the way you had wished were in your life sooner… and you will say goodbye to some you will be surprised about. Remember - people are in your life for “a reason, a season, or for life”.
Which brings me on to your perfect, precious son…
He will surprise you every day. He will make you laugh and cry in quick succession. He is quick to learn, and quicker still to make his feelings known! He will drive you mad some days. He will fill your heart with pride more days than you will be able to count. His presence will some days make you feel isolated… but, in truth, you are no longer alone.
The two of you will face battles and triumphs together. From bath time when overtired(!) to his very first steps… you were meant to be together. There is nobody more qualified to be his mum, than you.
You’re doing great. I know you won’t believe me, but you are. And even on the days when you’ve not got it all “sorted”, just remember…
“This, too, is temporary.”
With love,
Your future self x